


Need You Now

by Tazmania3056



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Break Up, Light Angst, M/M, Reconciliation, Song fic, kind of, song: need you now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 19:36:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20013694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tazmania3056/pseuds/Tazmania3056
Summary: Iwaizumi rethinks his break up with Oikawa and has to face the reality and ask himself if that's what he really wants and whether it's too late or not.Based off the song: Need You Now - Lady Antebellum





	Need You Now

**Author's Note:**

> This was so hard to write lmao, I started each paragraph with each line of the song (I changed a few words and took out the second chorus though) Enjoy :D

‘I need you now’ that sentence, those words, sat on his tongue, begging to be released yet when the moment presents itself they don’t dare come out. It were those four small words that always lingered in the back of his mind, just waiting for an opportunity to lunge into the forefront at any given time and it didn’t seem to matter what he did, anything and everything reminded him of Oikawa. He tried telling himself that he didn’t, that he and the boy in front of him had moved on, that while what they had was good, it was now over and they were both alright with that, they had made peace with it. But sitting here, organising the small things like what photo’s the each of them would keep had shaken him, he hadn’t expected this to hurt so much, a deep ache that he couldn’t soothe no matter what he tried.

Picture perfect memories laid spread out between them, the irony wasn’t lost on Iwaizumi, separated by their past yet kept where they were by their future, it felt unbelievably cruel to him but he had to push on, he had to complete this simple task of sorting photos and it really was simple. Oikawa had set up 3 boxes, one for Iwaizumi, one to be scanned and one for himself, they managed without a single fight which he told himself was just caused by the relief of having ended things, though he wasn’t sure if he could even muster up the voice to speak let alone yell and Oikawa himself looked tired, his shoulders sagged and dark bags sat under his eyes…could either of them confidently say they were relieved? Could they say they were happy? He so badly wanted to know but he didn’t ask, he couldn’t bring himself to break the fragile illusion they had found themselves in, he couldn’t break that illusion to himself fully either.

Scattered all around the floor were the remaining photos they had decided to leave and continue another time, they’d worked through hundreds of them, each one weighing him down a little more, and by the way Oikawa’s shoulders seemed to be sagging more and more he could guess it was the same for him. This whole thing seemed to be a fight neither of them wanted a part in yet neither of them seemed to know how to stop it, it felt like the calm before the storm and one wrong move, one wrong word or even one wrong look would bring it all back full force, so he did none of it. He said nothing as Oikawa collected his things and lead himself out. He said nothing as he climbed into his car and still said nothing as he watched him drive off, despite all the things he wanted to say, all the things he wanted Oikawa to know, he just couldn’t bring himself to say any of it   
Reaching for the phone he debated whether or not to call him, everything he wanted to say weighed so heavily on his chest it made it hard to breathe. It ached so badly, so deeply, that he felt he could hardly even move. He felt trapped, he didn’t know what to do, what he was expected to or what he should do, the last thing he needed was to make things worse, to do something that would make the emptiness and the coldness of his bed more unbearable than it already was, but what could he do? Did he lie here under the weight of all he didn’t say and let him go or did he get up, dial Oikawa’s number and do something about it?

'cause, he can't fight it anymore, at least that’s what he wanted to believe, but in all honesty he could, and a part of him wanted to fight it. His thoughts were swirling around so wildly that he could hardly see straight, he could hardly split the thoughts into negative and positive, it was all just Oikawa. Everything about him screamed in his mind, his beauty and perseverance followed by his arrogance and his stubbornness. Things that drove their relationship forward and things that halted it all in one. He agonised over what they had been, on what they could still be and what their future could hold. He hovered over the keys, he felt as if he were drowning in words yet couldn’t think of a single one to type out.   
He wondered if he ever crossed his mind, the thought quickly scrapped with though, he really didn’t think he wanted to know the answer anyway, what if it was no? What if Iwaizumi was completely alone in his regret, lying there thinking about someone who didn’t spare a thought for him at all? Then what if it was a yes? What if he did lie there at night, Iwaizumi weighing on his thoughts, was that enough to fix what went wrong? To unsay all those painful things, to take back all that was said and done? He wanted it to be, he so badly wanted it to be enough but was it worth trying again unless he was sure?

“For me it happens all the time” he answered his own silent question out loud, his voice rough enough for him to briefly wonder how long it had been since he actually spoke out loud. He wasn’t sure but he thought it had probably been a fair while, he simply hadn’t needed too, without Tooru there to talk to he found himself in his own company far more often than not. Tooru was always the more social of the two, preferring to go out in large groups and have big get togethers but he wasn’t, while he enjoyed the odd get together being in the company of three or four people were more than enough for the most part. 

It's a quarter after one when he checks the time again, how could it feel like time had frozen still yet hours had passed? His body felt heavy, his eyelids too heavy to keep open yet he couldn’t sleep, despite his exhaustion his thoughts hadn’t slowed down, they continued to run around his mind and he couldn’t even begin to say what they were. Sleepless nights like these weren’t uncommon for Iwaizumi, whenever he was worried or stressed he’d be unable to sleep, though usually he had Tooru beside him, the steady sound of his breathing and the warmth from him body pressed against his own always helped settle his worries and ease his mind.

He’s all alone and he needs him now. He needed him, the realisation feeling like a comforting caress and a kick to the gut all at once. He knew he needed him, but he didn’t realise just how badly he did, he thought he could continue on, push away the thoughts and soldier through the pain but he realised now that he really couldn’t. He missed his voice, his laugh, the way his nose crinkled when he was grossed out by something and the way he moved closer to him when he was nervous. He missed his stubbornness and his arrogance and the late nights spent soothing his anxious thoughts, the light of the newly rising sun on the horizon when they finally settled into bed. He missed Tooru, and by god did it hurt not having him there, in that moment he regretted nothing more.

Said he wouldn't call but he’s lost all control and he needed him now, there was no way around it. The gentle caress had turned into a firm grip around his throat, he felt as though he couldn’t breathe, the regret settling deep in his bones and shaking him to his core. He had never felt anything like this before, the fear and grief was so intense and so sudden it honestly scared him. It scared the living daylights out of him, he couldn’t bear the thought of it being with him forever, the idea that he’d never hold Tooru in his arms again or feel his hair against his cheek as he whispered sweet nothings into his ear that with the dark as their only witness. He couldn’t stand it, he just couldn’t. He got up and grabbed his bottle of whiskey, he knew he shouldn’t drink away his problems, he knew it was a step in a dangerous direction but he wouldn’t lose control. It was just to take the edge off right? That’s how it justified it to himself anyway. 

He didn't know how he can do without, he just needed him now, he’d give up anything and everything just to have him back, no price was too big or request too bold. Whatever it took he’d do it in a heartbeat, he just needed to find out what exactly it was that he needed to do to fix it, because lying here suffocating on his grief was getting him nowhere. His mind continued to race, more questions and no solutions, it all went back to the question on whether it was fixable or not, was his grief and their love, if it was even reciprocated, enough to push them through this rough patch? If it wasn’t could he handle another break up? He honestly didn’t know the answers to those.

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door, a small part of him expected Oikawa to come waltzing through the door, a story or twelve on his lips from the day he’d had that he was dying to share. He expected him to come through the door, groceries on hand and a new founded determination to not ruin dinner that night, or the number of a takeout store on his phone ready. But he knew he wouldn’t, he knew the next time Oikawa came through that door it would be to finish separating the photos, whatever unspoken words sat on his tongue would remain there, never to see the light of day. There would be no dinner or no take out, no stories of his day, just a cold, empty shell of what used to be and the burning ache of regret deep in his bones.

Still, he sat there wishing he'd come sweepin' in the way he did before, no matter the kind of day he had his entrance was always grand. Whether he walked in groaning heavily, ranting angrily about something or another that had happened that day or calling ‘iwa-chan’ with that sing-song tone Iwaizumi had missed more than he had ever thought possible. He thought back to everything, a sudden sense of urgency telling him it was now or never, make the move or lose him forever. So he sat by the photos and looked through them all, starting with Oikawa’s pile. The first one was their graduation day, Oikawa smiling brightly as Iwaizumi kissed his cheek, both holding diplomas, followed by them as children. Oikawa was standing on the edge of the sandpit, his cheeks a little red and a band aid on his knee and Iwaizumi remembered that day like it was yesterday, he’d fallen and Iwaizumi had to get him a band aid, Oikawa had sobbed out a thank you and Iwaizumi promised to always take care of him…where had that gone so wrong? When had Iwaizumi gone slack on his promise? He thought back to all the times he’d let Oikawa leave in tears, how many times he’d shrug off whatever was bothering the other and left him to deal with his own problems without even an inch of support. He’d let Oikawa down in a way he promised he’d never do, and that broke his heart, sure Oikawa had done his fair share in the downward spiral of their relationship but Iwaizumi wasn’t all innocent either. He knew what he’d done wrong and maybe with that knowledge he could fix it, maybe they could try again! His stomach churned in anticipation, he was terrified, for in just one text he’d find out what his future held, whether he’d be given this one last chance to win the love of his life back, would it work? He had no idea, but he had to try, he just had to. He grabbed his phone, finding Oikawa’s number and typing out his message quickly, hitting send before he could back out. He needed to send it, he needed his love back in his life.

“I just need you now”


End file.
